speedvegan

well, i finally did it. i ran this morning.

i was looking forward to this day since i fractured my foot about 10 weeks ago. the last few weeks were especially difficult. being close to the marathon i was supposed to run (June 5) was very depressing. looking back on it now, i wish i would have volunteered or at least witnessed part of the race, but it was too painful at the time.

my friends have been very supportive – making sure i get the proper rest and don’t overdue it so that i could heal quickly and come back stronger.

despite my optimistic nature, i recently started preparing myself for failure. i told myself over and over again that if today’s run was not a success, i would just focus on cycling and swimming which i seriously need to improve. i had even planned a trip to the sports authority after work to pick up a training suit and goggles.

but deep down i knew how disappointed i would be if my run didn’t go as i had so often fantasized my comeback. part of it has to do with the reason why i run. i know many runners and i know how different their reasons for running are. some do it strictly for fitness – to stay in shape or maintain a certain weight. others (the competitive types) do it to measure their fitness. and then there are those who like to test their personal limits, pushing their bodies harder/further each time.

i’ve always been extremely hyperactive. thoughts spin around in my mind like a scratched cd, driving me crazy. i started running when i was in 3rd grade to cancel out all the noise in my head. i thought that by moving, those thoughts would perspire out of my body. it also gave me a sense of freedom. it was just me and the road and i could go anywhere. it was my drug – just another way to escape reality.

i mentioned this to my boss over lunch today and alluded to the following from Lance Armstrong’s book, It’s Not About the Bike: “Cycling is so hard, the suffering is so intense, that it’s absolutely cleansing. You can go out there with the weight of the world on your shoulders, and after a six-hour ride at a high pain threshold, you feel at peace. The pain is so deep and strong that a curtain descends over your brain. At least for a while you have a kind of hall pass, and you don’t have to brood on your problems you can shut everything else out, because the effort and subsequent fatigue are absolute. There is an unthinking simplicity in something so hard, which is why there’s probably some truth to the idea that all world-class athletes are actually running away from something. Once, someone asked me what pleasure I took in riding for so long. ‘Pleasure?’ I said. ‘I don’t understand the question.’ I didn’t do it for pleasure. I did it for pain.’”

that is how i feel about running. it’s hard and it’s cleansing and it makes me forget about my problems – at least for a while. my boss said it was almost like “self mutilation” and i guess in a way it is. running until you break your feet can and is probably considered self mutilation by some.

my run today was a huge success. i ran a total of 3.7 miles. my pace was not great. i felt like i was going to lose a lung. but i made it. injury-free. i still went to the sports authority after work. i got my swim gear. not running for 10 weeks has taught me more about myself than all of my years of painful running.